Who Am I?

Bentz and Shapiro (1998) state that the process of becoming a researcher “can seem mysterious, mystifying, intimidating, or overwhelming, and can awaken feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, ignorance, inadequate preparation, and anxiety” (p. 162). Check, check, and check. I am ankle-deep in a sea of information, much of which is new to me. Bentz and Shapiro (1998) advocate the need to be centered, grounded, in research and the research process. Mindful Inquiry is presented by Bentz and Shapiro (1998) as a strategy to cope with the massive amount of information available in an advanced industrial society. A key component is the centering of research in yourself; that is, the research should stem from the researcher’s life and lifeworld. Awareness and reflection of our world should impact the intellectual awareness and reflection in our research and vice versa. From this perspective, the best place for me to start is with myself and to articulate who I am.

At first, I described myself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, RN, educator, writer, cook, photographer, traveller, coffee, dog and outdoor-lover. I could go on with descriptors, but what does it all mean? These labels describe what I am but who am I? What is my sense of self? A balanced life is very important to me and something I’ve struggled with my whole career—the need to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. I am a fixer. I work too much sometimes, and have lost the ability to relax. I want to make a positive difference and valuable contributions to the lives of my family, patients, students, and peers. I need to feel challenged and that there is a purpose to the work that I do. I watched my dad struggle and succumb to Parkinson’s disease and dementia; my twin daughters were born prematurely and have long-term complications resulting from that; I work in a professional field that is physically and mentally exhausting, where suffering is a common plight that can’t always be fixed.  These events have impacted me, shaped me, given me a completely different perspective, a different worldview.

References: Bentz, V. M. & Shapiro, J. J. (1998). Mindful inquiry in social research. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications